Best Dead-end Job in the World

Teaching English as a Foreign Language (EFL) in Seoul, South Korea at a public elementary school is arguably one of the best dead-end jobs in the world. Sure, there are other more exotic places to be placed for a silly EFL job assignment, (e.g. SE Asia: Vietnam, Thailand, Indonesia, etc.) but none will pay as well, offer as many benefits, or as much vacation time. After just 5 years of teaching for a public school in Korea I am grossing 3,000,000 won per month ($2,600 USD approx.) for 22 hours of teaching (40 minutes = 1 hour). I receive paid housing (approx. $500), a national pension fund (accrues approx. $1,200 USD / year), 50% paid medical, a severance package (1 month's pay upon each contract year completed), 22 paid vacation days, in addition to all national holidays off per year. Do the math. Okay, I will; including the housing allowance, that's $37,000 / year for 16.5 hours of "teaching" per week or $45.00 / hour (53,000 won).

Now for those of you who have no idea what the job entails, let me briefly and succinctly explain. I have no boss. Read again: I have no boss. I mean I do but I don't. Most foreign English teachers working in Korea report to the head of the English department or head of the "subject teacher's" department. But this really means nothing as most Korean English teachers have such little command of the English language and are so abjectly terrified to speak in front of a "native speaker" that they shy away from any and all encounters with you. Therefore, you're free to manage your on-the-job endeavors as you see fit.

You'll most likely be "teaching" 3 different grade levels (e.g. 4th, 5th, & 6th). The school will usually divide your week into three sections and fill classes for each grade level correspondingly, e.g. Monday/Tuesday 6th grade, Tuesday/Wednesday 4th grade, Thursday/Friday 5th grade or something similar. Classes are scheduled in the morning hours; and twice a week, include 1 after lunch. So, the last class of the day will finish no later than 1:40 p.m. Thus, your afternoons are free to "lesson plan" i.e. do absolutely nothing at all related to teaching: fuck around on Facebook, write a blog, leisure read, take a walk on the school grounds, IM chat with a girlfriend/wife, watch YouTube or Netflix documentaries, etc.

Once you become Zen master of controlling misbehavior, you've got it made. I always start and end class with a song. This effectively kills 8 minutes. Call it "immersion English" to appease the gods of educational EFL pedogogy. That leaves me 32 minutes to divide into 3 sections: Repeat after Me Ad Nauseam, Call & Response Robot English, and Stupid Textbook Activity - essentially, babysitting in English with a backdrop pretense of an educational PowerPoint. Class dismissed. Drink coffee. Wait to be the perpetual mute foreign pariah alone at a faculty cafeteria table and eat the free school lunch.

Not a bad gig if you ask me. I mean sure I'd like to have a job that I was actually passionate about or a job that garnered some kind of professional status or expert stature in a respected field or be paid a more lucrative salary. But that whole thing about finding and doing what you're passionate about is a fucking fairy tale I've come to realize. Sure, in your leisure time do what you'd like. Pursue your passions at will, dream big, realize a vision, aspire towards accomplishing your hero’s journey; whatever it may be. But unfortunately, most of us (even those with college degrees) find ourselves clocking into a less than ideal situation 25 - 40 hours a week, regardless. That's just a sober reality for the majority of us; hence, my lack of motivation to move back to North America and the Western world and pursue my "passion" or chase a "real job". Real jobs suck. And they arguably suck more than my current gig. So you can have your real job and I'll keep my silly EFL gig. I've reached a sort of contentment about it all and I've decided to ride this gravy train till the end or until it derails.